I am fighting the strong desire to be in a sad, depressed mood. What started out as a good day didn’t really end that way. I had a good day at work followed by a stop at the grocery store. I picked up some healthy food for a snack while we watch the Biggest Loser. I go down to my mom’s to watch it every week with her and my grandparents.
We were just getting ready to start the show when my grandpa shows me a picture. He loves to go through old pictures. It is one of his winter hobbies. You never know what he will find. So, he shows me a picture of him, my sister-in-law and myself that was taken when I was probably 17 or 18 years old. I didn’t really try to figure out the year, but it was during the time that I was at my thinnest.
He was holding a wild turkey in the picture and I thought that is why he was showing it to me. He asked me if it was me in the picture. I said it was. The fact that he asked me that wasn’t a red flag. My sister and I did look a lot like each other. There are some pictures that I can’t tell if it is me or her at first glance. So I handed the photo back to him. Then he asked me if I noticed anything, about myself. That was followed by something along the lines of, “Never mind I guess I shouldn’t say anything”. So, I figured he was thinking something negative. I quickly said, “What? I am fat. Is that what you are getting at?.” His reply was that yes, I looked much different.
You should know this about my gpa, I love him very much and I treasure the time I am able to spend with him. It is for that reason, and that reason alone, that I did not yell at him in anger or break out into tears.
He went on to tell me that he is probably within 10 pounds of what he was back then. At that point my mom said a few things to try to help the situation and then my grandmother was telling him to just quit while he was ahead or behind or whatever. He tried to justify himself by saying that he was trying to encourage me or something to that effect. I told him that nobody would be calling him to be a motivational speaker anytime soon so he better keep his day job.
I know I look much different from when I was 17. I have small wrinkles and fine lines in my face, my hair would be grey if I didn’t color it, I have an ugly, brown, age spot on my left cheek that I can’t seem to cover with any kind of make-up, try as I might, and I am probably 70-80 pounds heavier.
It hurts to have people point out your faults. I know that I can’t hide all the weight under my clothes. It is obvious to everybody that sees me that I am over-weight. But it really did hurt that he kept out a picture that he came across just so he could make a point to let me know I have gained a lot of weight. It was just plain mean!
But you know what? I am making the choice to not over-react to the situation. He is after all, just saying something that most of my family has probably been thinking about me for years.
Now, I will admit that I did shed a few tears on the way home , but I am not going have an emotional melt down just because my feelings got hurt. I won’t allow it to cause me to use food as a way to cope with my emotions. I am going to put a stop to that vicious cycle. That is after all the reason I am over-weight.
I will count tonight as one of my small victories. Something else I will try to do is to focus on the good in other people. I will try to use my words to encourage others and not tear them down. Tonight was a good lesson on how hurtful words can be.